I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize