Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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