I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
