Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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