ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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