dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
