When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
