apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
