Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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