i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
