1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
