I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
