dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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