I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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