ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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