i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize