Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
