I need to stop coming to work sober
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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