Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
