I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
