All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
