Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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