i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
