He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
