i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
