Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
