why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she looked like the before picture.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
