What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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