Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
