ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
