I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she told me i tasted like america
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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