when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
