Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
