I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
