do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
