Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
