There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
