I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Alive.
So much puke
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
