My friends, they love my intelligence
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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