I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
