How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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