I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
