I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize