My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
