You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
