yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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