what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
