I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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