People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
