So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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