Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
