so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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