I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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