How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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