Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
