Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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