last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
