Moan for me like Helen Keller
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
