Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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