well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
