so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
