whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
