if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
