Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My balls are so social today.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
