I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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