I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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